bathroom cellphone

According to a new study, only 51% of Oregon residents “frequently” bring their phone to the bathroom, leading to the obvious next question: Are 49% of Oregon residents liars?

According to the survey of 2,500 people done by the website Solitaire Bliss, Oregonians are either better than everyone else, or in deeper denial, because the national average for frequent bathroom phone use is 54%.

Look, I know that Solitaire Bliss wasn’t surveying children. In fact, their methodology says, “Respondents ranged in age from 18 to 76 years old.”

I know enough about Gens Z through X to know not a single one of us has gone to the bathroom without our phone in eight years. So, either Boomers seriously don’t bring their phone to the bathroom (could they not find it?) or they are better liars than the younger generations.

The bathroom finding is, however, the least of our worries. According to Solitaire Bliss, “43% of Oregon residents admit they have looked down at their phone as they crossed a street.”

Guys. GUYS.

If you are reading this as you cross the street, PUT DOWN THE PHONE.

It’s all well and good to numb your mind with your phone on the toilet. To remove yourself from corporeal reality for a little bit and let your husband/wife deal with the hungry children/pets. But please, please do not do this while walking across a street!

There are, or at least should be, no massive moving death vehicles in your bathroom. The danger there is to your mind and possibly your soul. Outside though, crossing the street, the danger is much more urgent.

My main concern is that if we have determined that about 40% of Oregonians lied about their bathroom habits, how many of us are checking our Instagram likes at major intersections?

Let’s make a deal: 100% of us can stop feeling guilt about looking at our phones in the bathroom. But 100% of us also have to put our phones away when there is a moving vehicle in our general vicinity. Deal?

OK, you’ve spent enough time in the bathroom now. Put the phone down and get back to your family or at the very least the TV show you were watching in the other room.