Tabitha Carlson, left, is hosting a golf tournament at Stone Ridge Golf Course Friday in memory of her late boyfriend, Michael Lou Depew, right, a former Marine who committed suicide in April. The event is meant to raise awareness of veteran suicide. 

Tabitha Carlson is hoping for sunny weather and camaraderie among local veterans, golfers and other community members at a tournament at Stone Ridge Golf Club Friday — just the kind of golfing day her late boyfriend Michael Lou Depew would have loved.

Carlson is hosting a “22 a Day is Too Many” golf event to raise awareness about the rate of veteran suicides — estimated at 22 suicides per day.

Depew, 25, took his life April 2. Carlson said friends and family were blindsided by the loss of a seemingly happy man. A Marine Corps corporal, Depew served four years, completing two deployments, between 2015 and 2019.

A Klamath native, Depew came back from two tours of duty deaf in one ear and with joint pain. Access to medical care through local veterans’ facilities was difficult, Carlson said, and doctors were reluctant to believe he was in as much pain as he claimed because of his young age.

Despite his pain, Depew, who worked as a Dutch Bros barista before beginning a career in lumber sales, was always upbeat and happy, Carlson said. 

“I always teased him that he must have come out of a time machine from the 1950s. He had his Grampa Lou’s personality. He was always doing the, ‘What’s that on your shirt?’ prank. The shoulder tap on one side, but being on the other. It was just who he was,” Carlson said.

“He was really old school. He loved to play board games. We played cribbage. He was just a really good man. … It was one of those things, I thought I had life figured out once I met him.”

Carlson said she has replayed the final weeks of Depew’s life countless times in her mind. Learning about the rate of veteran suicide, she’s on a mission to raise awareness.

“I was blindsided by Michael’s death. I would have never thought he would be someone who could do that. Almost everyone you talk to, people who knew Michael — they can’t believe it. He was very smiley and funny and had a great sense of humor. He always wanted to make people laugh,” Carlson said.

Carlson said a culture of hiding mental health struggles, especially for men and veterans, became more obvious to her after Depew’s suicide.

“I had never met a person who was so bright and happy and charismatic, but who literally thought his life had no value. It’s ingrained into them, into veterans. They believe that their life is only worth that of the man next to them, and that they need to be able to sacrifice their life for that person,” she said.

“They come from a brotherhood of men who, at any moment, give their life for another. When you get out, they give you four days of classes, they tell you about resources that are extremely hard to utilize … and they send you on your way. They say, ‘OK, go figure it out.’”

In Depew’s final moments of life, he reached out to Carlson.

“I was actually on the phone with him when he did it. He called me and said he was sad, and I told him that I loved him … and then he shot himself,” Carlson remembered.

“It’s one of those things where I can look outside my body and talk about it because the reality of it was so brutal it’s hard to think back on. … A lot of veterans are heavy drinkers. It’s a coping mechanism. He was very intoxicated when it happened. Knowing Michael, if he could come back, I know he would be mortified that he caused anybody any pain or any sadness.”

Trying to find ways to make a difference and prevent other deaths, Carlson hopes to raise $10,000 Friday to donate to organizations that support veterans’ mental health.

Proceeds from the tournament, donated through the Non-Commissioned Officer Association, will go to the Mighty Oaks Foundation, which provides peer-based programming, including camps for veterans, and Operation Rambo, which provides service animals — and emergency veterinary care — for disabled veterans.

Event sponsor Chris Williams, owner of PacWest Plumbing, said he hoped the event encourages important conversations about the often taboo subject of suicide.

“I think men, veterans especially, but all of us, we’re expected to be almost like superheroes. We’re expected to be strong. Men face so much stress, and people expect us not to be bothered by things, so it’s hard to talk about our feelings,” Williams said.

“With a lot of men, whether it’s through drinking or whatever method they use to cope, things build up over time. I think that’s why it seems to come out of the blue when there’s a suicide. … We live in a very tough era and it can feel like everybody is in competition with each other. There just needs to be more communication. … It’s time we talk more openly about these things.”

Carlson said photos and stories of veterans lost to suicide will be displayed during the tournament, which begins at 9 a.m. Registration will take place at Friday’s event from 7:45 to 8:15 a.m.

To register prior to Friday, see www.eventbrite.com/e/22-a-day-is-22-too-many-golf-tournament-tickets-651048963977