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A long, long time ago, I can still remember how the Oscars used to make me smile.

Writing about them was as easy as pie, since usually I’d seen all the Best Picture hopefuls — more often than not before the nominations were announced.

Bad news was on the doorstep this week, however, with the revelation of the 10 films up for consideration for the top prize, which will be given out March 11.

I’ve seen three of them.

Now, going 3-for-10 is perfectly cromulent if you’re a batter in baseball; but my hopes were flat as a pancake of seeing the rest in time to discuss them while sounding reasonably intelligent.

Not that that’s ever stopped me.

Frankly, the prospect of seeing the other se7en by the end of February made me shiver. Instead, I’ve broken the Best Picture nominees into three categories — Movies I’ve Seen, Movies I’ve Heard About, and Honestly, Your Guess Is As Good As Mine (H,YGIAGAM).

S, for these 10 films, we’ll be on own own and, by the end, we’ll all know more than we did before.

At least I will. You results might vary.

Movies I’ve Seen

I’ll rank these in the order of how much I appreciated them — or, as the pundits of profundity might pontificate, of how much they spoke to them.

1. “American Fiction” — By the title, you’d think this was about presidential politics, but it’s really a sardonically skewed vision of how an author discovers that he only finds an audience by creating stereotypical “truth” out of thin air. On second thought …

1a. “The Holdovers” — By the title, you’d think this was about presidential politics, but it’s really about a pair of unpopular misfits have to come to terms with being attached at the hip until one of them is ultimately shown the door. On second thought …

3. “Barbie” — While the previous two are set in academia, it can be argued that the lead character who learns the most about themselves is the toy who discovers, through an odyssey of self-discovery and sexual liberation, that, actually, she can be anything.

As for the rest, in alphabetical order:

Movies I’ve Heard About

4. “Killer of the Flower Moon” — A three-and-a-half-hour epic, relatively short on the Scorcese-O-Meter, this depicts two tragedies. The early 1920s Osage Nation murders, and a script rewrite ensuring Leonardo DiCaprio the lead role. Robert DeNiro co-stars as Snidely Whiplash.

5. “Maestro” — If you haven’t followed the hubbub, this is the result of  producer-director-screenwriter-star Bradley Cooper controversial decision to pick famed conductor Leonard Bernstein’s nose. A schnoz hasn’t had this prominent a supporting role since “Sleeper” in 1973.

6. “Oppenheimer” — Boom. Mushroom cloud. Then things get worse.

7. “Poor Things” — Emma Stone stars as a suicide victim brought back to life with her brain replaced by that of a baby. According to Wikipedia, she “embarks on an odyssey of self-discovery and sexual liberation.” In other words, it’s “Barbie” … only with genitals.

H,YGIAGAM

8. “Anatomy of a Fall” — I have a fondness for the French, particularly their fries. Imagine my disappointment, therefore, that the key to this murder mystery where the accused is a writer accused of infidelity and — horrors! — plagiarism by her soon-to-be-dead husband, is eating (SPOILER ALERT).

9. “Past Lives” — Has something ever touched you deep inside when wondering whether you should have spent your life with that childhood crush? If you have an unquenchable yearning to relive that heartbreak … have I got the film for you.

10. “The Zone of Interest” — The anguish of Auschwitz, as seen through the eyes of a German commandant worried about gas chamber efficiency. A cynic might suggest this is like telling, only in half the time, the story of the white guys behind the Osage Nation murders.

So, there they are all in one place … with no time left to start again.